The Battle Over the Child’s Soul: How Does the Legal System Address Cases Where a Parent’s Change in Religious Lifestyle Becomes a Weapon to Alienate Their Children?
Parental alienation is considered one of the most destructive phenomena during divorce conflicts, creating a deep rift between a parent and their children. However, when the alienation stems from one parent’s decision to leave their religious community, it adds another layer of complexity to an already painful situation.
“What makes these cases particularly challenging,” explains attorney Mindy Ehrlich of the Decker, Pex, Levi law firm, “is that parental alienation in these cases receives community and family legitimacy. It’s no longer just a dispute between two parents but a battle between two opposing world views, with the children caught in the middle.”
Attorney Ehrlich explains that in many cases involving ultra-Orthodox families, when one parent leaves the religious lifestyle, the alienation becomes an ideological struggle between the parent who left and the community, along with families on both sides. Alienation against children of parents who have left the religious community becomes a cruel tool used to incite and distance the parent who left from their ultra-Orthodox children. This situation causes parents who are contemplating leaving the community to reconsider their decision, with many remaining trapped in a destructive and miserable reality just to avoid losing their children.
Over the past few years, Attorney Ehrlich has handled complex cases of parental alienation within families. According to her, this is one of the most challenging and painful issues in divorce proceedings. “This phenomenon has devastating consequences for both the alienated parent and the children,” explains Ehrlich. “It involves systematic behaviour by one parent aimed at harming the relationship between the children and the other parent, ranging from verbal slander and preventing meetings to active incitement.”
The consequences for the children in these situations are profound. “The children are torn between two worlds,” Ehrlich explains. “On one hand, they feel longing and a sense of loss toward the alienated parent. Sometimes they also feel betrayed after being told that the parent abandoned or gave up on them. On the other hand, they receive unequivocal messages from their environment that maintaining a relationship with this parent is problematic or even forbidden.” Studies have also supported this, showing that children experiencing parental alienation are at a high risk of developing emotional issues, social adaptation difficulties, and problems with self-perception and personal identity development.
When the alienation is rooted in a parent’s departure from religious observance, the complexity intensifies due to the inherent tension between individual rights and community values. “In many cases of this kind,” Ehrlich continues, “the alienating parent receives full support from the community and rabbis, who view severing the connection as a legitimate way to protect family and community values and preserve the children’s spirituality.”
Alienation within Israeli Religious Communities
Mindy notes that she has encountered cases where a parent who left the ultra-Orthodox community found themselves completely cut off from their children, fighting alone against the entire communal system—including extended family, educational institutions, and rabbis—who often encourage severing the relationship and mobilize all available resources, including fundraising campaigns, to finance legal battles aimed at “saving the children from the heretical parent.” Many rabbis believe that preventing contact with the heretical parent serves the children’s best interests and equate it to saving their souls, as it is written: “Whoever saves a single soul, it is as if they have saved an entire world.”
The ultra-Orthodox community maintains its identity as a closed and cohesive society led by strong leadership. One way they preserve this cohesion is by ostracising those who abandon or reject the faith. The fear within families of harming their reputation or jeopardising future matchmaking prospects for their other children often leads to situations of shunning and ostracism.
In recent years, there has been a relatively new and encouraging trend of greater acceptance and outreach toward children who have left the community. Awareness of the importance of maintaining contact with them despite their departure is growing. However, there are still many cases where parents who leave the community find themselves ostracised by their own families on both sides, shunned by the community, and alienated from their children.
The Legal System’s Response to Religious Alienation
Parental alienation has also become a tool of control for the religious side, so much so that often even the ultra-Orthodox parent may find themselves excluded from their children’s lives, unable to participate in their celebrations or events, and denied basic information about them. How does the legal system address this phenomenon?
Attorney Ehrlich explains: “The legal system has developed various tools to deal with parental alienation in this context. Family courts now operate a fast-track process for handling parental alienation cases. These cases are prioritised and scheduled for a ‘focus judge’ hearing within two weeks. Solutions include referring the alienating parent to therapeutic processes at their expense, imposing significant financial sanctions, and, in extreme cases, transferring custody.”
Ehrlich adds: “This is a destructive phenomenon on its own, but it becomes even harder when issues of religion, community, and ideology are involved. In recent years, we’ve seen the legal system recognise a child’s right to maintain a relationship with both parents, even if one of them has left the religious community in which the children are being raised. A ruling from the Jerusalem District Court, by Judge Moshe Drori, expressed a clear position on this issue.”
In a case involving an ultra-Orthodox couple, where the father left the religious community to lead a secular lifestyle, the mother, who remained in the religious community, sought to sever the children’s relationship with their father. The court ruled that “it is impossible to force a person to remain religious if their faith is no longer aligned with this lifestyle. It is hard to imagine a judicial system compelling someone to live contrary to their conscience.” However, Judge Drori acknowledged that the ultra-Orthodox community acts sincerely in its belief in the need to protect its values and children.
Still, as Judge Drori emphasised: “Even if these are the sociological realities of the ultra-Orthodox community, it does not mean that the court will bow its head.”
Attorney Ehrlich concludes: “The courts make it clear that parental rights are not contingent on religious observance and that the best interests of the child require a meaningful connection with both parents.”
Toward Solutions and Hope for Change
Ehrlich also highlights the innovative “Renewal of Connection” program recently launched in family courts, offering a unique therapeutic framework for these cases. “This project acknowledges the need to bridge between worlds,” she explains. “Therapists receive special training to address the complexities of parental alienation in religious contexts and work concurrently with both parents and children.”
In the end, Ehrlich emphasises: “The challenge is to create a space where children can love both their parents without feeling like they are betraying anyone. Achieving this requires deep cultural and systemic changes—within the legal system, the ultra-Orthodox community, and Israeli society at large.”
Contact us at Decker, Pex, Levi for further information.